Stepping on the Stage

So there I was on the cold, snowy New York evening doing my first reading at The Tortured Blogger’s Society event.

We had just come back from the first break during which I ordered myself a club soda (and spiked it with a little packet of low dose thc/cbd) and the next round of readers were to begin.

The girl on my right said to “I’m up next”.

“I wonder when I will go” I thought, “I bet I will go last”.

Funny enough it wasn’t a self deprecating thought it was my healthy ego reminding me of my propensity to go last. My guides show it to me like I wait until the bases are loaded, it’s the bottom of the ninth, all of the pressure is on and this is the moment that changes the game.

So off I was in my thoughts when I heard “I would like to welcome Lauren Courtney next”.

“What?!?!?!” I thought as my eyes bulged from my face.

“Christina is supposed to go next, I’m not prepared" I thought.

But thats exactly when I knew I was prepared.

That I no longer needed to wait until the stadium was filled with pressure.

Sure, does it feel good to hit that game winning home-run? Fuck yes it does.

But do you know what else feels good?

Being calm.

Being present.

Trusting the process.

Relaxing and releasing the pressure and anxiety.

So as I got up to my “at bat” in the middle of “the game” I felt the support of the crowd, the desire for me to “hit the home-run” early in the game so by the end I would be free of pressure because I would have already secured the W.

With that, I rounded the bases.

I read, I laughed, I shared, I was brave. I made it home.

As I sat down when I finished my reading I could feel a surge of energy pulsing through my arms and my legs.

I smiled and thought to myself “now this is my type of plant medicine ceremony”.

Because right there, in the middle of New York I stood up and faced my demons on a conscious level. I looked my past fears in the eyes and not only did I make it home, i changed the game.

I get to relax, trust my timing, and know I will always arrive on base and at the plate when I am meant to.

xo,

Lauren