The Pain In Spain

To those looking from the outside I was on a beautiful trip with a man I had met months before.

While in reality I was about to turn 35 feeling trapped in another country.

That’s the thing about social media, it’s a highlight reel. You never know what is truly going on behind the scenes.

Until you do…

The man I was on the trip with was in the throws of addiction. He had reached out to me a month prior and flew me to Vegas where he was living at the time to hold space for him.

“You are the only person I can think of to help me” he said.

Lets rewind, it was December of 2017 the week leading up to New Years and I had landed in Maui.

I was there for work ~ at the time I was a spiritual advisor to a cannabis brand and we were headed to the Maui Cannabis Conference following New Years and the man I was working for offered to fly me out early to enjoy New Years there.

I had never been to Hawaii, so of course I said yes.

Though truth be told, I had no idea what I was getting into.

As soon as we arrived at the house were were staying at I met this man, lets call him Ari, he was at least 10 years older then me (with a spirit nearly my age) his head was shaved and he was covered from head to toe with tattoo’s ~ I felt an instant connection, a soul connection, a remembrance of sorts.

He felt familiar and it seemed as though from our initial interaction that he understood the spiritual world in ways I hadn’t even tried to share with others. I later learned he was a Pisces so it made sense that my Cancer waters could feel his energy so easily.

Myself, Ari and the man I was working for went off on a quick adventure to pick up some cannabis and food for the house.

I didn’t know many details about who was coming, but when I arrived back to the house it all became clear.

Ari’s harem of girls had arrived.

These girls were what I now know to be called as “burners” they were there for the party. While I on the other hand was there to soak up some sunshine, connect with nature, read a book, practice yoga and smoke some good sungrown flower.

Don’t get me wrong, I have had my share of partying (read all about it in my new book Glow Up Your Chakras, out May 2nd) but what I witnessed was something I had never experienced.

The day’s were filled with beaches and music.

I would enjoy a joint often with my boss while I watched this group enjoy acid and ketamine, two things I am still not overly familiar with.

But that almost seemed normal compared to the nights.

One of the women in this group of “burners” was a nurse and she brought with her pharmacutical grade GHB for the group. Now as far as I knew GHB is the date rape drug, so why would someone want to take that?

Having spent ten years on pain killers myself you think I would understand, but no. I didn’t and still don’t because quite frankly the image still haunts me.

I digress.

Now let me paint the scene. I had come out of the shower and the house was hauntingly silent. We had all returned from the beach together and my inquisitive mind knew everyone was home and I was curios what was going on.

First I glanced out the window and only saw the man I was working for on the phone.

“Hmm” I thought.

I made my way downstairs.

Never prepared for what I would see.

On the floor in the bedroom the harem of women were staying in I saw them along with Ari laid out on the floor, half conscious, half drooling.

Honestly, I would have preferred to walk in on an orgy, because in this moment I felt a sheer sense of panic “oh my god, are these people alive” I thought.

Just before the panic set in I saw movements from a few of them and the nurse got up and went around with a cuff checking blood pressure.

“Oh good, she is making sure they aren’t dead” I thought.

I watched for just a few more moments, no one even knew I was standing at the doorway. I wanted to scream “what the fuck is going on” but these weren’t my friends or “my people” so before I said a word I began to walk away.

My mind couldn’t make sense of this.

I thought I had a wild past with substances, but this, this was something out of a nightmare. “Did Go Ask Alice just become my real life?” I wondered.

I walked out the back door of the house.

The guy I was working for still on the phone out back waved to me as I ran off to the beach where I saw a massive turtle on the shore.

I sat down near the turtle and began to breathe.

“Why am I here” I asked myself and the turtle over and over.

Spiritually, turtles symbolize Earth, stability, longevity, and a connection to the ancient world. They are often seen as symbols of Mother Earth, carrying their homes on their backs, mirroring the Earth's role in sustaining all life. Turtles also symbolize persistence, slow but steady progress, and the importance of a thoughtful approach to life.

“What are you here to teach me” I whispered to the turtle.

And the only answer that came is “you need to see this so you can better understand how you are meant to help people heal.”

It didn’t make sense, but I surrendered.

That trip ended a few days later. With that it left me with this sadness, this awareness of how people were numbing, as if I had forgotten myself how I spent years numbing myself as well.

Fast forward, it is now May of 2018 and I hear from Ari, who as I mentioned is in Vegas. “I really need a friend right now, can I fly you here” I agreed. It was memorial day weekend, I had no plans and was still trying to understand how I ended up in Miami.

I arrived in Vegas and began to learn all about K-holes as thats where Ari had been and he needed to be around someone that would no longer enable him, and he thought of me.

We spent a week together, I got him out in nature and sobered up. I played my sound bowls each morning to clear his mind and set the intention for the day.

Here’s the thing though, there was no even energy exchange with Ari, there never was. Sure he paid for my flight, but he wasn’t paying for my time and I was still learning how to charge for my services, but in my heart I felt like it was something I needed to do. Having lost my first love to addiction (that journey is in the book) I simply felt like I had to help him.

Don’t worry, I am no longer “captain save a ho”.

Anyway, I spent a week with Ari we went from Vegas to San Diego and ended the trip in LA, my home I had only left two months prior.

I didn’t tell a soul I was there, perhaps a sign for me something was off, but I couldn’t see it just yet.

Fast forward, July of 2018 and I am in NY visiting my family.

I had felt called to bring my passport on the trip, “because you never know when you may need it”.

And as fate with have it Ari showed up in NY to visit his family as well.

It was the week before my 35th birthday and he invited me to Spain, he had a home there and needed to decide if he was going to sell it or spend more time there.

I had never been to Spain, he seemed to be in a better place since my visit in May, so I agreed to the trip.

The fact was I had just left my life in LA 3 months prior to move to Miami and had NO IDEA how I would pay my bills once I returned home. So I figured I may as well extend my plans.

So to Spain we went.

The first few days were fun, playful even. I wondered “am I interested in this man, could it be more then I had thought”.

While in Hawaii we had a cute little make out prior to the GHB journey, and on one of the last nights before we left NY for Spain he spent the night at my place.

The answer should have been an east “no” but I was still seeking love and validation outside of myself.

As the days went on the playfulness became more rigid, the laughter began to diminish and I found myself in the trenches of deep stomach pain.

If I had only known in that moment ~ HELLO LAUREN YOUR SOLAR PLEXUS IS SCREAMING AT YOU TO TAKE YOUR POWER BACK.

For weeks I had been pouring into this man and I didn’t know why.

We had a past and I don’t even mean in this lifetime, I mean our souls were connected. He was placed in my path at a pivotal time but as I sat doubled over in pain wondering if I could leave the house out of fear that I may shit myself I began to pray.

Why am I here?

What is this teaching me?

I thought I had outgrown these lessons.

I felt like I was back on that beach in Maui all over again.

I remember telling the man I was with I was ready to go home. We had bought open ended tickets and when I told him he flew into a rage.

Anger poured out of him, “do you know how much tickets are right now” he barked.

To which I said yes, reminding him that he had invited me, that I had been supporting him and with that I was beginning to feel enslaved to the situation.

“Buy your own ticket” he said.

I left the room and nearly crumbled. I was depleted emotionally and financially. How the fuck could I afford a ticket home?

“What am I doing with my life” I began to ask myself.

But instead of crumbling I turned to my sound bowls that had made the trip with me. I began to play, wondering what I was supposed to do.

“You had a great gig in LA as an advisor to a cannabis brand” I thought to myself. “Why did you leave” I pondered.

And I continued to play, I remembered I left so I wouldn’t get stuck in a loop or cycle. Yet thats exactly what I was feeling.

I left to build my dreams. But here I was feeling trapped.

After an hour or so of playing I found the courage to call my mom, I dreaded asking for help.

I explained my situation and without much thought she said I have miles I’m not using on American let’s get you home.

Days later I left Spain and arrived back in Miami.

I set up my sound bowls in my office and began to play day in and day out.

Time and space stood still as I began to record my sessions.

Recording one meditation led to recording fourteen.

Fourteen sound healings to Glow Up My Chakras.

Fourteen sound healings focused on healing the old and activating the dormant high vibrational energy and frequencies.

And then before I knew it I launched a group program (initially titled The Guru in You) with the goal of helping people become their own savior, just as I had unknowingly become mine.

Fast forward it is now April of 2025 and Glow Up Your Chakras has developed from Sound Healings to Live Coaching to Online Program, to Group Coaching and now a book!

While this story didn’t make it into the book it felt worthy of being shared because I carried pain from it in my heart from it for long enough.

It’s been some time since I last spoke to Ari or that boss I worked for, with that I know and trust we each had a major impact on the evolution of our souls.

For that, I am grateful.

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to order my new book Glow Up Your Chakras, available May 2nd on Amazon,

xo,

Lauren